Boundaries are an act of self-respect. They protect your energy, ease stress, and build confidence. They deepen relationships by making them more intentional and meaningful. But let’s be real… setting them and following through can at first can feel bloody terrifying!
Most of us weren’t taught boundaries. Maybe we grew up watching our parents say yes when they wanted to say no, putting others first at the expense of their own wellbeing. Or we were taught not to question our elders or teachers, even if we knew they were wrong.
Adding to that, modern society has glorified self-sacrifice, over-working and doing it all. In a toxic work environments employees are often publicly praised for working long hours while those doing their 40-hour week are deemed to be “not engaged”… often regardless of their output.
But what’s the price we pay? Burnout, decreased self-worth, resentment, fractured relationships, the list goes on. In short, the cost is too high and it’s time to break the cycle…
My Own Wake-Up Call with Boundaries
For a long time I thought being a good, successful person meant saying yes to everything, doing everything all at once and being a perfectionist. I was known as the strong one, the reliable one, the best listener. The one who got things done, who had time for everyone, who held space for others, who people turned to when they needed support. And for a while, I wore that like a badge of honour.
But then I started asking myself, “when is it my turn?”, “why do I always have to be the strong one?” And that’s when it hit me, this wasn’t a them issue… it was a me issue! I’d lacked boundaries for so long and constantly given so much of myself, that people didn’t realise I was running on empty. They weren’t ignoring my needs, I had never shown them that I had any.
That realisation was my biggest turning point.
I’ll be honest, learning to set boundaries wasn’t easy. The first time I said no without over-explaining, I felt a little sick, my heart pounded and I felt guilty, like I was letting someone down. But I kept practising and while I didn’t always get it right, over time it got easier and I felt lighter and more confidant. My relationships became stronger because I was showing up as my whole authentic self, not a version of me spread to thin and running on fumes!
But my biggest step forward wasn’t just saying no, it was doing the hard yards. I personally worked on myself to identify the core reasons behind my lack of boundaries. I dug deep, uncovering the limiting beliefs and negative emotions that had kept me stuck in this pattern in all areas of my life for so long.
Releasing those was an absolute game-changer! Setting boundaries stopped feeling like something I should do and started feeling like something I deserved. It wasn’t long before I realised that setting boundaries is a non-negotiable, not a “nice to have”.
So if setting boundaries feels terrifying, I totally get it! But trust me, your wellbeing is worth it.
4 Reasons You Haven’t Set Boundaries (Yet!)
- Fear of Rejection & Conflict
Saying no can feel like pushing people away but in reality, it strengthens your connections. If someone reacts badly to your boundaries, that’s a reflection of their expectations, not your worth.
- Low Self-Worth
If you’ve spent years prioritising others (think motherhood!), it’s easy to feel like your own needs don’t matter. But they absolutely do. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re an act of self-care.
- You’ve Never Asked Yourself, “What Do I Need?”
Without boundaries, you may not even know where you end and others begin! This can erode your own identity as you start to mould yourself to fit others expectations and demands. It’s time to start checking in with yourself: What do I need? What do I want? What’s draining me? What’s filling my cup?
- Co-dependency & People-Pleasing
If you define yourself by making others happy, setting boundaries feels unnatural. But real love and genuine connections don’t come from self-abandonment. They come from showing up as your whole, authentic self.
4 Ways to Start Setting Boundaries
- Tune Into Your Energy
Notice when a situation leaves you drained or anxious, that’s your body telling you that a boundary is needed. Trust your gut and honour that inner wisdom. Energy speaks volumes!
- Communicate with Confidence
When communicating your boundaries, you don’t have to over explain, apologise, or soften your “no”. A simple and polite “I can’t commit to that” or “I need time for myself” is enough. The right people will honour your boundaries not criticise them.
- Hold Your Ground
When you set a boundary, some people will push back. That’s okay and to be expected as this new authentic you will be challenging for some! This is when you need to hold your ground through your actions, not just your words. If needed, protect your peace by limiting engagement with those who don’t respect your limits.
- Surround Yourself with Support
Setting boundaries can feel lonely at first. Lean on people who uplift and encourage you such as close friends, family or perhaps me! Your growth deserves to be nurtured and celebrated.
My Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries is the ultimate life hack for your wellbeing. It’s about creating space for what truly matters, reclaiming your time, energy and self-worth and living as your authentic self. While the benefits are endless, let me leave you with this question; what is the cost to you of not setting boundaries?
As always, if you need some support in this space, don’t hesitate to reach out.
In wellness,